Wow, your hours on preparing lectures, grant proposal writing, dealing with students, etc. are all way underestimated. A solid grant proposal that is likely to get funded (often in a super competitive field with maybe 8% acceptance rate) can take well over 2 months of solid preparation. Of course we don't actually get 2 months of solid preparation time, what with all the other stuff we have to do. My workload as an early career academic is roughly 10% on a funded project, 20% "research", i.e. grant/paper writing, 5% on a couple of committees I am on, and the rest teaching, with roughly half of that supervisions of PhD/Masters students.
For my masters students that equates to about 6 hours of meetings and reviewing their stuff over 3 months of their project. Most of my colleagues and I burn through that in the first month. So what do we do for the other 2 months? Well it's not like we can shut up shop and say "welp, sorry, but you've used all your allotted time" because that'd be terrible. So we continue to give whatever amount of time we feel is necessary (within reason).
Anyway it's not as simple as you've broken it down to be. Things ebb and flow over the year too, students need more mentoring at certain times of the year than others. Grant proposals, conferences, special issues journals all have deadlines and calls. My week is extremely varied and I'm still working on juggling all the different hats and priorities I have. I have a full load right now over summer even without teaching; when teaching starts up again I'll have to do all the stuff I'm doing now (bar masters student supervision) while doing roughly 25% of my allotted time teaching undergraduates.
Your numbers are in line with what I see from my advisor.
The original also failed to break down paper writing. For a top-tier conference, you're going to spend several weeks worth of full days working on a paper, and you're probably going to do it twice per paper because, as they say, even Simon Peyton-Jones has papers rejected occasionally. This time is on top of work you already did to get your system working! (well, unless the paper is the result, as in some areas of theory)
You really, really have to want to live it. I enjoy it, and as a PhD student I don't mind spending all my waking hours that aren't devoted to my wife or a little bit of exercise doing research. But just to be competitive, that's sort of the baseline. I'm not sure, though, whether it's truly a demand of the job or just the default because academic research attracts people who work like that (I also worked like that when I was a developer at MSFT).
The thing is you can kinda coast if you want to. But in the UK at least you have to churn out at least 4 high quality papers every 6 years to be included in the "Research Excellence Framework", the assessment of the research quality of the university. Although you don't have to be included in the REF, it was used as a weeding point for redundancies at one of my previous universities (i.e. those who had been in the previous REF were exempt from being included in the redundancy pool; everyone else had to reapply for their jobs). So it does tend to hang over you, even if it's not a direct reason you might get fired.
My university is an ex-polytechnic, so it focuses a lot on teaching as well. You can quite easily get by just teaching - we have a few "just teachers", though they tend to be the older employees. New fulltime employees are expected to do a bit of everything, which is actually a lot better, IMO. If teachers are doing research and contributing to their field, they're reading current stuff and can incorporate that into their teaching. etc. etc. Lots of good reasons for it to happen.
Interdisciplinarians are also rewarded - one of the reasons I got my job in a tough environment (I do computer ethics) was because I had a strong background in computer science vs. most comp ethicists who come from philosophy. So it helps to be able to cover a few different things rather than just one very niche specialty subject as well.
Ultimately though I love my job. It's highly flexible, stimulating, varied work, I have great benefits, especially holidays, and the university is very supportive of family life.
I don't know you, and I am not an expert in how you spend your time. I know it's not 80 hours of work per week, because that is completely absurd. If you have a better hourly breakdown it doesn't seem like you are sharing it. Your percentages are very different than what I would have guessed, and honestly I think your priorities are off.
If you nail down a single big result you could ride that for years. Maybe that isn't realistic for everyone, but if I didn't think I was going to be a major player and drive the state of the art, I think I would find something else to do. I really don't understand the concept of the 'hard working' professor, teaching is easy (show up, explain stuff), advising students should not take much time (pick smarter students, point them in the right direction, expect them to take it from there), conferences are a complete waste of time, trying to publish a bunch of little crap results is just generation of worthless volume and nobody is fooled by it. All this might sneak a person in at a 3rd rung school, but for what? What are all the grants for in CS, presumably you already have more than enough computers? Is that what people compete for when doing something important in the field is not realistic?
I'm sorry, but if you aren't concentrating on research, meaning real research not writing grants or typing up results that nobody cares about, then you are either at a really crappy school or you have the wrong priorities. Expanding the state of the art, or moving the needle on a difficult problem is going to get you attention, respect among your peers, and publication in real journals. The situation you describe seems more like a backup plan.
Wow, sorry, you really have no idea. It's not 80 hrs per week, sure, but it's certainly more than you're giving us credit for.
My percentages are base for what an early career should expect in their first couple of years with a permanent position (you'd call it "tenure track" in the US I believe). If I get a big grant, my teaching time would get bought out, so more of that time would go to research. It is possible to buy out of all teaching, though you would still be expected to supervise PhD students, so you'd still have some %age of teaching on your load.
Teaching isn't "easy", there's a lot more to it than "show up, explain stuff". Lecturing is easy. Preparing lectures, exams, dealing with students, marking, administration isn't "easy". If I could just lecture I'd be more than happy. It's the rest of it that's a complete drag of time.
Also, I had to laugh at your "real research" paragraph. You obviously have no idea how it works.
For my masters students that equates to about 6 hours of meetings and reviewing their stuff over 3 months of their project. Most of my colleagues and I burn through that in the first month. So what do we do for the other 2 months? Well it's not like we can shut up shop and say "welp, sorry, but you've used all your allotted time" because that'd be terrible. So we continue to give whatever amount of time we feel is necessary (within reason).
Anyway it's not as simple as you've broken it down to be. Things ebb and flow over the year too, students need more mentoring at certain times of the year than others. Grant proposals, conferences, special issues journals all have deadlines and calls. My week is extremely varied and I'm still working on juggling all the different hats and priorities I have. I have a full load right now over summer even without teaching; when teaching starts up again I'll have to do all the stuff I'm doing now (bar masters student supervision) while doing roughly 25% of my allotted time teaching undergraduates.
Anyway, just another perspective.